Day 547

Posted: August 22, 2014 in Le voyage

Month 18.

I had a flare from month 16 – 17. The worst affected areas were my fingers, to the extent I was not able to hold a pen, as there were deep cuts on the joint regions. This heavily compromised my ability to move my fingers, and rendered my hands almost completely useless. They eventually dried and improved – thank God! I have totally regain the full function of my fingers and hands, but the skin around my wrist and fingers remain dry and red. They go through cycles of peeling and inflammation, again and again. The back of my knee was also affected, together with my pre orbital and arm flexures.

It is becoming more difficult for me to differentiate between a flare and a rage, which was characteristic of my TSW journey so far. I guess the intensity of my flares are becoming less intense, but I am in no way comfortable yet. I have got substantial healing to accomplish.

I notice that certain parts of my skin, in particular my arm flexures are constantly rough, hyper-pigmented, thick and wrinkly, but they definitely look less like eczema but more like damaged skin due to intense and prolong scratching. They might be in the ‘stagnant phase’ where the skin is no longer eczematic. Rather what remains are the remnants of decade long steroid damaged skin.

Life is pretty livable now, if not for the fact that school has started 2 weeks ago. I do feel extremely self conscious and insecure when I am in the company of my lab mates and group partners – which unfortunately is really stressing me out. Otherwise, I feel pretty comfortable when I am alone, as I believe that people will not notice my skin condition while passing by me on the road.

Otherwise, there is nothing much to update on my skin . I am not healed yet. Not yet.

Just to add, I understand that healing is subjective. I do have very high expectations of healed skin. My skin right now may be, for some people, ‘almost healed’. But as long as I feel largely uncomfortable, I consider myself a long way off normal healthy skin. Might do a picture update some time later.

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